Contradictions in life..........

When ppl mention Wedding and Marriage i supposed ppl will go woooo and ahhhhh....
All very jumpy and excited i supposed.
As i grow older, i start to think about the purpose of marriage. I rem in my old post i say i might not wan to get married after all. I think i knoe why.
First i have totally no confidence in marriage and i have phobia getting married and also the planning of a wedding is jus too much to take.
It takes 2 hands to clap in watever things you gonna do.
I ask babe that let's not get married cos the process of divorce is way too long and tedious and ppl often tell me how can tink of divorce when u wan get married.
But u never knoe what will happen 10 yrs down the road.
Too many things have happen between us things that not everyone know of cos i don need frens or ppl to judge me cos i have a life of my own.
Frens who judge i supposed u don call them frens.
Recently i tried to have a rough idea of how my wedding is going to be and how many ppl shld i invite etc.
The more i continue with the list i don get excited nor do i feel happy. Mayb everything is not finalise ba.
I ask if i could skip the marriage and wedding part and go on to motherhood cos i feel motherhood is more of related to my life and wedding seems to be the case of pleasing my family members.
Do i reali wan to get married after so many years of waiting? I'm at a lost. I felt insecure and tired. I'm no longer in early 20s instead i'm in my late 20s.
Recently my poly fren yammie jus sign her wedding package. She was so happy and excited with her purchase, on the gown that she like etc. Jus that she don know when her wedding is gonna be cos she want to get a house first before anything. But at least she got 1 thing settle.
She tried to convince me to go down to the bridal shop to have a look and try see if i like.
I was hesitant cos i wasnt very keen and of cos the least excited.
I'm not going to marry myself rite?
Guess wedding is not a fairy tale come true afterall or is it?